Willie and Frankie VI – In this cold open, the pair is
operating cameras on SNL. They imagine the girls on the show lusting after them
as usual until the ledge of the platform digs into Crystal’s legs and they
start their usual routine. They complain about how SNL opens its show at the
end. I did like Guest talking about hanging by his nostril on a bathroom hook
and twisting his Adam’s apple until it crunched. I guess this was a pretty
clever way to work them into the show, but overall, I’m glad this was their
last appearance ever. C+
Monologue – The late ABC sportscaster comes out and using a
lot of SAT words laments his short lived similarly titled variety show on ABC.
He says the show was crafted by geniuses and has been “reviewed by licensed
idiots.” He then takes credit for this show and discovering its performers. I
didn’t quite know what to expect from this monologue, but this turned out to be
pretty funny. I’ve also noticed that Crystal’s impression of Cosell is pretty
dead on and that he really got the voice down perfectly. C+
Hospital – Mafia boss Mr. Faraccio (Belushi) complains to
his son about how is family got into a turf war while he is sick. He
particularly bemoans his roommate Ed Grimley (Short) whose tonsils are
inflamed, but he is excited for his birthday tomorrow. Faraccio goes out for a
walk and a hitman (Guest) enters the room mistaking Grimley for the mob boss
and attempts to give him some sort of lethal injection until his Uncle Bazzle
(Cosell) walks in with a present and distracts the hitman while Grimley shoves
the needle into his leg. He reacts like an animated wolf in a Warner Bros.
cartoon and jumps out the window. This wasn’t the funniest Ed Grimley sketch
ever, but it was pretty well written (even if it seemed to revolve around a
tired sitcom cliché) and this was certainly a clever use of the character. Cosell
as a Grimley relative must’ve seemed like a better idea on paper because he
didn’t really have Shorts rapid fire pace and speech patterns down. That was
really the only thing that took me out of the sketch. B-
Inside Out – This is a generic talk show where host Bonnie
Caruso (Dreyfus) interviews first time authors Michelle Roth (Gross) and
Virginia Donaldson (Stephenson) who have written books on the roles of women in
the old west and Hollywood. Bonnie would do a spit take all over Michelle when
they said something the slightest bit interesting. Virginia insists Bonnie put
down her coffee and that she look inside her mouth. When she mentions Ann
Margaret, Bonnie splashes coffee everywhere from out of her cups. Obviously,
there wasn’t a lot to this sketch either but the writing and performances
really saved it. Gross and Stephenson played it off particularly well. C+
Run, Throw and Catch like a Girl Olympics – This appeared to
be the first taped segment of the night. It supposedly took place in Brentwood
field. Larry David is one of the judges. Short and Belushi makes spastic,
flailing throws while Kroeger just lets the ball slip out of his hand. Cosell
commenting on Kroeger’s performance was funny. Stephenson wins the running
competition, but is disqualified when it is revealed that she is actually a
woman. Promoter Daniel Gregory (Hall) is asked about sexist allegations to
which he responds that strangely no one has protested the event. He says this
as the field as two female pilots (Gross, Dreyfus) drop bombs on the field from
above. This was another simple, unambitious premise that I felt like I’d seen
before somewhere but they did a few creative things with it that I liked such
as Belushi getting more points scored for making up excuses about his catch and
Short revealing that Whining About How Cold It Is to be an actual event. C+
Bar Mitzvah – This sketch takes place in Brooklyn in 1930 at
the bar mitzvah of tonight’s host played by child extra Frederich Koheler where
he tells his father Morris (played by Howard) and his mother Rose (Crystal)
that he would rather be a sports announcer than a lawyer. They are at first
disappointed argue with each other, but decide to support his son whatever his
career path he chooses as long as it makes him happy. Koheler really had the
Cosell voice down well for someone his age and even though I was a little
creeped out seeing Crystal in drag (and kissing Cosell at that) the argument
was fun to watch and the kiss was worth the ad-lib “That’s more tounge than on
some of the plates.” This was definitely the funniest sketch of the night so
far. A-
Spots Beat – Cosell expresses his distaste for boxing as a
“sport” as he announces the comeback of boxing champ Tony Minetti (Crystal).
This leads to another taped sketch where Cosell interviews Minetti and his
trainer Angie Quidaciolu (Guest). I didn’t like this character the first time
and I’m still not impressed by it. I did like Crystal attempting to talk with
his mouthpiece in and hitting his head against the speed bag, but other than
that nothing stood out. C-
Fernando’s Hideaway V – This would turn out to be the last
“Hideaway” sketch ever. We would not see Crystal as Fernando again for fourteen
more years until he made an appearance at the 25th anniversary special. In this
installment, Fernando briefly reminisces on the great guests he’s had on this year
before interviewing Cosell. The two discuss vomiting on Don Meredith’s shoes,
being on the most liked and most disliked lists simultaneously and The Battle
of the Network Stars. I would have to say this was the second best “Hideaway”
sketch all year only behind Mr. T and the Hulkster. There was some interesting
discussion here and you could tell Cosell genuinely enjoyed this. B-
Saturday Night News – Nathan Thurm (Short) is interviewed as
a representative of Living Unicorn Inc. and is here to answer to animal cruelty
charges for surgically altering animals to create mythical creatures. This was
pretty much the same thing, but Short got Guest to say “I know that!” which
made me chuckle. Guest confronts Dwight McNamara (Kroeger) on a dirty, faulty
photo on the Update screen. Nothing different about this bit either, but I
still enjoyed it. Robert Latta (Hall) wanders onto the Update desk and talks
about how he wandered onto spring training and shows us how he ended up on the
first set of baseball cards of the 1985 season. This was funny. I did like Hall
getting cheese from his crackers on the Update desk and using a dust buster to
clean it up. Guest had a real off night with the jokes, but this was still a
good way for Update to end the season. B-
Good Sex – Dr. Ruth Westhiemer (Gross) hosts this talk show
where her guests are Dr. Seuss (Hall) depicted as a Cat In The Hat like figure
and Howard Cosell. He comes on to ask Ruth for advice on how to avoid
temptation on the road. Ruth tells him to just think about moments in his
sports career while Seuss tells Cosell that he has been bitten by a “yink bird”
and the only prevention is to wear a hat with a “thwack” device. Cosell implies
Seuss is a fraud and Seuss walks off. Suddenly, an actual “yink bird” puppet shows
up and bites Cosell on the neck causing him to hit on Dr. Ruth. This was a
rather silly absurd sketch and I thought it was pretty funny and well executed.
B+
A Couple Of Red Guys – This was pretty much the same premise
as Belushi’s “white guy” rap except this time he was joined by Kroeger and they
were both playing Soviet Russians. They are enamored with America ever since
they defected here. It wasn’t great, but at least it was a little funnier and
more entertaining than the “white guy” raps. I particularly liked them smashing
bottle on each others’ heads and the line “vodka morning noon and night/makes
Russian women look all right”. They also did the Cossack dancing well. B-
Well, this was a decent way to end the season…and that’s it.
I now have four full seasons of SNL reviews under my belt and this is my first
retro season. Next time, I will be reviewing the Jerry Lewis/Loverboy episode
from 1983 and next month I will start reviewing the new season starting with
the Alec Baldwin premiere. I hope everyone had a great summer and I’ll see you
soon.
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