Ed Asner/The Kinks (11.17.1984)

Rescue Mission – Lou Grant (Asner) assembles a group of mercenaries (Belushi, Hall, Kroeger) to go on a mission with him to rescue Mary Richards (Gross) from syndicated reruns. As they drop in on the party she threw for Ted Baxter (Crystal) in her Minneapolis apartment. Gross confesses she is happy in reruns and wants her life to stay there despite missing out on all the big changes that ushered in the 80s. Stephenson had a small part as Georgette. Guest was Murray and Dreyfus was Rhoda. This was very well done and possibly the best cold open of the season for another “obligatory host sketch”. Everyone who had an impression did well with it (although with Stephenson, I couldn’t really tell). Gross as Mary Tyler Moore is always funny. I liked Kroeger falling in love with “jew girl” Rhoda and Asner telling guest “they have hair weaving now”. This was certainly a lot better than the sketch from the ‘82 John Madden episode where Mary and Ted invaded Lou Grant’s spinoff and begged him to come back to their show. Rosato did a decent Asner but Piscopo was horrible as Ted. This sketch was much more enjoyable. B+

Monologue – Asner comes out and challenges his image as a “father figure” and states that Lou Grant is the anti father figure. He then names all of the other “father figure” type roles he’s played and shows an actual clip from his first acting gig. This was an educational filmstrip profiling Marco Polo where he played Kubla Kahn. This wasn’t too bad. It was one of the better monologues of the season and it was an interesting retrospective of Asner’s career up to that point. At the very least, it was a rare monologue of some substance. B+

Walking After Midnight – This was the first filmed segment of the night. In it, grocery store custodian Virgil (Hall) has to sweep the floor while his boss, Mr. Hurwitz (Belushi) is on a lunch break. Hurwitz is a real prick who refuses to give Virgil overtime. Virgil moves the plastic rug in front of the automatic door to sweep under it which causes a customer to walk face first into the door. He then discovers that wherever you place the rug, stepping on it will open whatever is closest to it and gets the idea to cut out parts of the rug and glue them to the bottoms of his shoes. He walks around town with everything from car doors to mailboxes and even coffins opening up in his presence. Virgil takes off the shoes, puts them in a box and leaves them in front of Hurwitz’s doorstep to get back at him. He unwittingly puts the shoes and they have the exact same effect much to his frustration as he eventually falls down an elevator shaft. This was a cute premise for a short film and it was executed well. Belushi falling down the elevator shaft was the funniest part. B-

Ed Grimley III – Grimley (Short) prepares for Thanksgiving with his relatives. He is excitedly putting up his decorations as he goes through his usual verbose prancing shtick before he burns himself on a pumpkin pie for the oven. When he decides to check on his neighbors with a telescope, he sees Mr. Wilson (Asner) strangling his wife (Stephenson) to death in an obvious nod to Hitchcock’s “Rear Window”. Wilson is quick to notice Grimley spying on him and Grimley is quick to call the police before Wilson makes his way over to Grimley’s apartment. Grimley attempts to barricades his door so Wilson can’t get in, but is unsuccessful. Wilson attempts to strangle Grimley, but Grimley’s father (Guest) whose fashion sense and mannerism are quite similar stops in and saves the day. The senior Grimley distracts Wislon long enough for the younger Grimley to bash a vase over his head knocking him unconscious so they can tie him up. This was another decent outing for Ed Grimley. Short didn’t play it too big here and Guest did a perfect impression in the sketch. He was almost more entertaining than Short at times. B.

60 Minutes – This was the second filmed piece of the night. Mike Wallace (Shearer) introduces a segment profiling novelty gag manufacturers Al and Herb Minkman (Crystal and Guest). This is set up as an expose on their cheap competitors who make litigiously unsafe wares. Wallace flies all the way to Hong Kong to interview the owner of the counterfeit sweatshop, but can only get an interview with their attorney Nathan Thurm (Short) who is very edgy and defensive the whole time. Most SNL fans remember this piece as one of the all time classics and its reputation is deserved. This was great. I liked how everyone played this so straight and deadpan with such a silly premise as defective novelties. Shearer did a great Mike Wallace. My other favorite bits were the Minkman factory with a dummy testing whoopee cushions and Shearer’s reactions to the fake spilled coffee and dog doo. A+

Me and Julio – Julio Iglesias (Kroeger) hawks his latest record featuring his duets with Willie Nelson (Belushi), Diana Ross (Dreyfus), Cyndi Lauper (Stephenson), Mick Jagger (Short), Alfalfa (Gross) and even Senor Wences (Kevin Kelton w/Guest’s voice). However, the gimmick is that he keeps all five of these duets going at once “in one incredibly complicated song.” This was another funny, goofy bit that I liked. Aside from Belushi, everyone did well with their impressions. Kroeger singing “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” was pretty funny. A-

Bowling Alley – Crystal introduces the character of “Ricky” in sort of solo monologue type piece where he talks to his friends Eddie and Frankie while bemoaning his 7-10 split and his life in general. I liked his bits about spending 6 years in junior college, wrestling being fixed and asking about people when something bad happened to them. Crystal played this well on his own, but this character would be funnier when he had Guest to play off of as “Phil.” B-

Saturday Night News – Asner is the guest anchor. He first issues a correction on Carlin’s report on Charlton Heston last week joking that Heston has no intention of running, but may play Reagan in his biopic. He then states that Reagan would “hold his breath” until the Federal Reserve board lowers the prime rate. That last one was just a lame photo based gag. Rich Hall debuts his Paul Harvey impression and does a commentary on alternatives to Reagan’s “Star Wars” defense proposal such as the “whiffle rocket” and “Nerf Defense” before busting out into an awkward rendition of Bob Marley’s ”War.” Hall had the impression down perfectly even if he didn’t disguise his own voice that much. I’ve heard Shearer do a better Paul Harvey on “The Simpsons” and I had to wonder why they didn’t use him. Maybe Shearer just objected or the decided Hall looked the part better. Asner then tells a joke about “playoff lawsuits” between Ariel Sharon and Gen. Westmoreland each suing Time Magazine and CBS that will result in a “super suit”. That joke was well written, even if it didn’t age well. Stephenson delivers another editorial briefly apologizing for her bit with her breasts to those who found it in poor taste. Some sleazy produced convinced her that America’s established newswomen (Diane Sawyer, Jane Pauley) got to where they are by drawing attention to their bodies. Her left breast apologizes as well. This bit was a little predictable and not really as good as her previous one on Update. The news ends awkwardly there. Aaner was good at reading jokes even if he came off a little awkward at points. B-

Tippi Turtle III – In this installment, Tippi Turtle shows us how to incite a riot at the bank by writing “This is a Stick up!” on the next available deposit slip and putting it back for the next unsuspecting sap to try to use. This was just short filler. It was just as good as the other Tippi Turtle cartoons, but I think the first one was still funnier. B+

Peter Pan – A middle aged Pan (Asner) stops by in the middle of the night to visit an adult Wendy. He fills her in on Tinkerbell’s natural death and how it got him depressed. Wendy reveals that she drove her first husband away by talking about Pan nonstop. Jon is stationed in Japan with the navy and Michael (like many other kids) left home looking for Pan which fills him with the guilt that led him to grow up. He reveals that he decided to fly to her place after a few drinks and declare his love for Wendy, but it’s far too late. Pan has to move on, but he first gives he his shadow all bundled up. Wendy gives him back her magic fairy dust. This was a rather dry Marylin Suzanne Miller-esque type piece that didn’t have a lot of laughs. C+

Nuclear Plant – At the retirement party for Ray (Asner) tells his fellow employees that “you can’t have too much water in the nuclear reactor” and that they can never bother him for anything else once he leaves. Everyone is confused as to whether he meant they should put in all the water they want or never put any at all or whether he was even referring to their shift. They all get together and vote on this and all the water wins out. The manual is no help so they try to call his hotel. They decide to just drain the reactor and call it a night. Their message to his hotel turned out to be quite sarcastic as they witness what they think is a nuclear test as he says “you can never look too long at a nuclear cloud”. This was a rather weak sketch where they just ran one joke into the ground and I didn’t much care for it. C-

National Adopt a Non Smoker Day – Belushi delivers this PSA on “The Great American Smoke Out”. This was a campaign where non smokers were encouraged to “adopt” non smokers and help them quite. He bemoans the fact that no one took him up on this and started his own holiday in response where you adopt a non smoker and force them to smoke. He brings out his child adoptee Robert James (Frederick Koehler) and angrily tries to bum a smoke from him. This was just okay. Belushi and the child extra did well with what little material they had in this straight to camera piece. C+

Goodnights – Asner congratulates everyone on their impressions in the cold open and tells the audience that they had twice as much material and they had to cut half of it and encourages viewers to tune in next week to see the other half. Apparently, Asner is extremely unfamiliar with the show’s weekly process. This sounds like it happens every week and he must have been the only host who felt it necessary to comment on that.

Well, aside from a few rather lame sketches this was one of the better shows this season. So far, I think it might even be second best behind Eddie Murphy. Next episode is Ed Begley Jr/Billy Squier.